The Truth About The Zoo

At the edge of the city was a small zoo. It was very old and scruffy. The cages were rusty and dirty, paint peeled from the buildings and the gardens were uncared for. Most people who visited the zoo felt sorry for the sad thin animals. Though lots of money went into the donations box the place remained poor. I felt sorry for the animals too so I went to the zoo owner, Mr Stagnum and asked if I could help. And that's how I discovered the truth. "Okay kid," Mr Stagnum said to me. "You can help, but we haven't got any money to pay you." So every day after school I fed the animals and on Saturday mornings I cleaned the cages with Mr Wallow, the cage cleaner. Actually, I cleaned the cages while Mr wallow leaned on his broom watching. Very often he would go off for a cup of tea leaving me on my own. I didn't mind that because it gave me more time to talk to the animals. "I wish there was more to eat," I said to the bear one day. "Huh!" said the bear.

"This is a very poor zoo" I explained, "and there's not much money to buy food." "You don't know nuffin'," the bear said, grumpily. "What do you mean?" I said with surprise. "Ain't you seen all them burgers Mr Stagnum eats?" said the bear. "And haven't you seen his big expensive car?" called one of the monkeys in the cage opposite. "I watch him count piles and piles of money every night," said the giraffe. "Don't be silly," I said. "It isn't true. It can't be true!" On my way home I thought about what the animals had said. The staff at the zoo were certainly a strange bunch. Mr Stagnum spent most of his time growling at people, and when he wasn't growling he was eating. Mr Wallow was large and had dopey eyes. He drank tea all day in his little room by the elephant's enclosure. His room looked worse than the cages he never cleaned out. Then there were the two other keepers, Eric and Derek. They were always playing tricks on each other. Derek would place bars of soap at the edge of the penguin pool so that Eric would slip and fall in at feeding time. Then Eric would tie Derek's shoelaces to the bars of the lions' cage. When they weren't fooling each other they played tricks on the animals. I once saw them glue the parrots' seed to the bottom of their bowl so they couldn't eat it. And they were always howling with laughter at the tops of their voices. Hoo hoo hoo, ha ha ha, hee hee hee. All day long.

Mrs Beak ran the fish and chip bar but I was certain that she ate more fish and chips than she sold. Finally there was Mr Snade who went snooping around the zoo making sure the animals were behaving properly. "Lions roar! Or there will be no supper for you tonight. Monkeys swing about, or there will be no bananas!" he would say.

Mr Stagnum's Money

After school the next day, I decided to spy on Mr Stagnum to see if what the animals had said was true. It was quite simple. As usual Mr Wallow went off to his little room for a cup of tea while I fed the animals. Then he went to the fish and chip bar with all the other staff. "I'm going now, Mr Wallow," I called, heading for the zoo gate. He gave a grunt and carried on talking to Eric and Derek. He dribbled bits of fish as he spoke. It was almost dark so it was easy for me to disappear into the shadows and creep back to Mr Wallow's dirty room. I suppose I could have chosen a nicer hiding place but I knew Mr Wallow went straight home after his fish and chips. I also knew that Fred Scullock, the fierce night-watchman never checked Mr Wallow's room. It was much too smelly. I splashed through puddles of tea on the floor. They were all sticky because the milk had started to turn into yoghurt. I found an old greasy raincoat to hide behind and waited. After half an hour I heard Fred Scullock's feet plodding and his black cape flapping as he passed by on his rounds. When he had gone, I crept out from my hiding place. I followed the path past the elephants and the giraffes until I came to the zoo office. The light was on. Standing on tiptoe I could just see in. Mr Stagnum was counting the money just as the animals said. The door of the safe was open and I could see piles and piles of banknotes inside.

Before I had time to think I heard footsteps. Into the office went Eric and Derek, Mr Wallow, Snoopy Snade and Mrs Beak. They seemed to be having a meeting. I couldn't hear what was being said but I somehow knew they were up to no good. Suddenly something grabbed me by the scruff of the neck. "What er you doin' ere?" said Scullock, his beady eyes glaring at me. "I lost something," I said, quickly. "Look for it tomorrow," he said. He towed me by the ear to the zoo gates and shoved me out onto the street. Then he flapped off like an old crow towards the zoo office.

Food For The Animals

I was so angry there was money in the safe while the animals were going hungry that I decided to do something about it. Though I couldn't get the money I could easily find some food. The fridge in Mrs Beak's fish and chip bar was full of beefburgers bought especially for Mr Stagnum. And next to the fridge was a freezer full of fish. The next evening I waited in Mr Wallow's room again before sneaking to the fish and chip bar. I emptied all the beefburgers into a wheelbarrow and took them to the monkey cage where the monkeys had agreed to hide them. Then I went back for the fish though I had to hide behind a tree to avoid Fred Scullock. Mrs Beak had divided the fish into two lots, one for the customers and one for herself (a much bigger pile). I hid Mrs Beak's pile under the hay in the giraffe's enclosure. The freezer and the fridge looked very empty so I had to find something to fill the space. The brown, tea-stained carpet in Mr Wallow's room was the perfect colour for burgers. I hurried back there, took out some scissors and cut up the soggy carpet into neat burger- sized circles. The frozen battered fish was a bigger problem. Then I spied a tin of yellow paint on the shelf.

I poured it into a bucket and added some earth from outside to make it thick and crispy, as batter should be. The only thing I could find that looked like fish was a rubber hose. I cut it into short lengths and dipped them in the paint batter. Finally, I wheeled the rubber fish and carpet burgers back to the fish and chip bar and filled the freezer and fridge.

Spicy Burgers And Rubber Fish

The next morning was a Saturday. I couldn't wait to get to the zoo. After Mr Wallow had gone for his cup of tea I uncovered the secret piles of beefburgers and fish and fed the animals their extra rations. They were delighted. Later, in the canteen I ate my sandwiches but I watched Mr Stagnum very carefully. I saw him swallow a whole burger in one go. He went red, and then steam hissed from between his teeth. "Crunching crocodiles! These are spicy burgers!" he roared. "I'll have double portions from now on, Mrs Beak." Mrs Beak nodded, but she was too busy eating her rubber and paint fish. She ate it so quickly that I don't think she noticed any difference. Since my plan was a success, every Friday night I did the same thing. There was less and less carpet in Mr Wallow's room, especially as Eric and Derek had started eating the burgers too. The hose became shorter and shorter and I soon ran out of yellow paint. Instead I tried other batter mixtures like mud and sawdust, glue and sand-even some of Mr Wallow's hair-restorer mixed with his tobacco. Mrs Beak ate the lot. The animals got fatter and happier. Mr Snade didn't have to snoop around any more because the animals were doing all the things that healthy animals are supposed to do. The lion roared, the monkeys swung and the penguins flapped their flippers. I daresay I would have found more carpet and rubber hose from somewhere when I ran out but I had a suspicion that things were about to change. I was sure it had something to do with the meeting I had spied on…

Farmer Shadrack's Secret

"Come with me kid," said Mr Stagnum, one Saturday morning. "We're going to see someone special." He gave me a slobbery grin. Mr Stagnum had picked me up from our house. He had told my parents that we were going to visit a business friend of his who lived in the country. "Here. Carry this." He said, thrusting a heavy briefcase into my hand. I staggered to his car and put the case on the back seat. Then we drove off at top speed. It wasn't long before we had left the city streets behind. We drove along the open road for a while and then turned off along a narrow lane that went for miles and miles. We stopped at a gate which Mr Stagnum opened and then we drove along a bumpy little track that wound up into the hills. "Where are we going?" I asked. "To see Farmer Shadrack," was the reply. Just then a black shed as big as a house loomed up ahead. There appeared to be no windows and only one door. Mr Stagnum knocked on it while I struggled with his briefcase "Stagnum my fellow!" boomed Farmer Shadrack. "Great to see you." Farmer Shadrack (who seemed at least 2˝ metres tall) bent down and slapped Mr Stagnum on the back seending him flying. Then he shook hands, and Mr Stagnum shook too. Luckily he didn't seem to notice me. "Fancy you're going a bit fuzzy there, old chap," said Farmer Shadrack, peering down at Mr Stagnum. "What d'you mean? I shave every day," he said, rather annoyed at being called fuzzy. "Never mind. Must be my eyes." Farmer shadrack said quickly, not wishing to cause offence. It was true though. Mr Stagnum's face were covered in a fine, fuzzy brown hair and I had only just noticed. Those carpet burgers were giving him carpety skin!

Inside the shed were rows and rows of cages full of pecking birds. "Ah! You're a chicken farmer," I said. "How many eggs do you produce a day?" Farmer Shadrack sniggered a little and said, "None!" Then both men fell about laughing.

"But…but…How do you make any money?" I said, completely confused. Farmer Shadrack winked at Mr Stagnum and opened one of the cages. He grabbed a bird by the neck and, strangely, the bird didn't seem to mind. He thrust his hand up the bird's bottom and pulled out…a battery! Immediately the bird went totally lifeless.

"You see? This is real battery farming!" said Farmer Shadrack, roaring with laughter again. The two men staggered off between the rows of cages leaving me trailing behind. What did it all mean? Were the birds laying batteries instead of eggs? At the end of the shed Farmer Shadrack lifted a trapdoor in the floor and led the way down some steps into the basement. He switched on the light. I couldn't believe what I saw. The whole room (as big as the shed above) was filled with stuffed animals. Some were on shields on the walls, some were in glass cases and others were upside down on benches with lots of coloured wires poking out. Farmer Shadrack and Mr Stagnum sat down at a table and talked while I wandered aimlessly around the cases. It made me feel sad, looking at all the lifeless faces staring back at me when I thought of all the lovely animals I knew at the zoo. "Come and sit down, kid," Mr Stagnum called to me. "Farmer Shadrack here is going to save you a lot of work!" I sat down wondering what was going to happen next. "Farmer Shadrack is not really a farmer at all. He's a hunter. He shoots wild animals and stuffs them." He smiled at me evilly and continued, "All our zoo animals need cleaning out every day. Then there are food bills, vets bills and even heating bills in the winter. It all costs money. So Shadrack here is going to stuff them all for us! No more cleaning! No more bills!" "But…but you can't do that!" I stuttered. "It's cruel and…and people won't want to see a load of stuffed animals!" "That's the really clever bit," grinned Farmer Shadrack, "Not only am I good at shooting and stuffing animals but I'm an expert at electronics. With a few wires and some batteries I can make stuffed animals move like real ones. You were fooled by my chickens, weren't you? They're just a disguise for my real operations down here." I was speechless. Mr Stagnum thumped the suitcase on the table and opened it. "It's all there," he said, showing the case full of money to Farmer Shadrack. "Glad to do business," said Farmer Shadrack. "I'll start first thing Tuesday morning." "Stuffed!" said the monkeys when I told them about Mr Stagnum's plans. "Stuffed!" said the giraffe. "Stuffed!" said the bear. "We must do something," said the lion. "But what?" said the penguins. "Let me think," I said. I sat in the fish and chip bar after I had fed the animals. It was hopeless. Nothing could stop Farmer Shadrack and Mr Stagnum from carrying out their terrible plan. Mr Stagnum was growling to himself and examining the back of his fuzzy hand. He reminded me of a bear. Eric and Derek were laughing over a joke. "Hoo-hoo-hoo, ha-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee," they went, like a couple of monkeys. Their skin was almost as carpety as Mr Stagnum. Mrs Beak was talking to Mr Wallow about how she had recently started swimming every day. He voice had become all croaky like a seal. I hoped it wasn't anyhting to do with the rubber hose fish she had been eating. Mr Wallow didn't seem to notice anyway. His eyes were half closed as he drank his tea, dribbling it down his chin. He looked like a hippopotamus. Long necked Snoopy Snade was peering over the top of his newspaper chewing on a lettuce leaf like a giraffe while Fred Scullock just sat in the corner wrapped in his cloak like a bat. As I looked at them all I realised they behaved more like animals in the zoo than the real ones. That's when I had my idea… Why not put the staff in the cages and let the animals run the zoo? They would do a much better job. I had no time to waste. Farmer Shadrack was coming tomorrow. By then it would be too late. Luckily Mr Stagnum was having a meeting tonight so my plan could wait until then. Meanwhile I went around to all the animals and told them what to do.

The Plan

I hid in Mr Wallow's room as I usually did and watched all of the zoo staff go to Mr Stagnum's office for the meeting. Then quickly I took the cage keys from behind the door and walked towards the Nocturnal House (where all the night animals lived). Fred Scullock saw me but that's just what I wanted. "Hey, kid! Come here," he called. I ran into the Nocturnal House, opened the bat cage and hid. The bats started squeaking and flapping making a terrible noise. "What's going on in here?" said Scullock, stepping inside. Quick as a flash the bats flew out and I locked the door with Mr Scullock inside. One big bat has replaced a lot of little bats, I thought to myself. Then I opened the door to the seals' pool. The seals hopped off to the fish and chip bar while I went to Mr Stagnum's office. "What are you doing here, kid?" Mr Stagnum asked. "The seals are loose in the fish and chip bar," I gasped. "Sort it out Mrs Beak, will you?" said Mr Stagnum. "Oke, oke, oke, okay," said Mrs Beak, sounding like a seal herself. She followed me to the fish and chip bar. The seals waddled out. "Help me get them back to the pool," said Mrs Beak. We shooed them along the path but they stopped at the entrance to the pool. "Why don't you pull them in from the other side," I suggested. She stepped through the doorway and suddenly the seals turned and pushed her into the pool. I quickly locked the door. One big seal has replaced a lot of smaller seals, I thought. Now I could hear the monkeys making a commotion in their cage. I let them out and waited to see who would come and deal with the noise. Just as I hoped it was Eric and Derek, laughing at a joke they'd played on the lion when they had once given him a piece of rubber meat to eat. The last laugh would be on them. "That's odd!" said Derek. "The cage door is open, and I can't see any monkeys inside." Suddenly he slipped on the bar of soap I had placed in the entrance. "Hoo, hoo, hoo, ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee," laughed Eric. Then he looked down to discover one of the monkeys had tied his shoelaces to the bars of the cage. Before they could escape, I slammed and locked the door. "Two large monkeys have replaced two small ones," I said to them. I gave the keys to the monkeys who went off to open the bear's cage, the giraffe's enclosure and the hippo's pool. Meanwhile, I went back to Mr Stagnum's office to see what would happen next. "Where is everybody?" growled Mr Stagnum. I could just see his fuzzy head through a gap in the curtains. "We can't have a meeting with only three of us here." "Let's go and find everyone then," suggested Mr Snade. They filed out into the darkness. Mr Snade snooped off in the direction of the fish and chip bar, but he stopped at a clump of trees. His long neck stretched and strained. "Funny," he said. "I'm sure there weren't as many trees as that when I last looked." He was right. They weren't trees, they were the giraffe's legs. The giraffe reached down, plucked Mr Snade by the back of his collar and lifted him high into the air. Then he was gently placed on the ground on the other side of the fence of the giraffe's enclosure. The monkeys had already locked the door. Mr Wallow had gone in search of Fred Scullock but he had been distracted by a noise at the hippopotamus' pool. It was easy for the hippo to butt him through the open cage doorway and into the mud. The monkeys wasted no time in locking the door. Meanwhile, Mr Stagnum was following a curious trail of burgers that led up the path to the bear's cage. Inside the cage he sat down to eat them. "Clang!" went the cage door and the bear grinned at him as he turned the key in the lock.

All the animals met me at Mr Stagnum's office. "We must look after the zoo staff properly," I said. " We must make sure we do a better job than they did." The animals agreed and gave each other different jobs to do. The last thing I did before going home was put a notice on the gates saying ZOO CLOSED.

The Animals Run The Zoo

During the night there was a terrible noise from the zoo. There was a lot of shouting and growling and flapping and croaking, but by morning things were quiet. After school I hurried to the zoo. I was just in time to meet Farmer Shadrack. "Where's Stagnum?" he said to me. "He's busy," I said. "But he's changed his mind about stuffing the animals. The zoo has new owners instead." "Oh," said Farmer Shadrack. "Well tell him he can't have his money back." With that he drove off into the distance. Now you may think it was cruel of me to keep the zoo staff in zoo cages. But what happened was that they actually enjoyed being there. They were all able to do their favourite things.Fuzzy Mr Stagnum could laze around all day growling at people and eat the burgers he loved so much. Mrs Beak loved the seal pool because she could swim all the time and she had plenty of fish to eat. Mr Wallow was given buckets and buckets of tea and really enjoyed sloshing around in the mud like a real hippo. Eric and Derek were able to carry on playing tricks on each other and Fred Scullock loved sitting in the dark, flapping his cloak. Mr Snead enjoyed peering over the fence, snooping at people and I'm sure as the weeks went by his neck got longer. The animals ran the zoo perfectly and the visitors thought that seeing people in some of the cages was a clever and funny idea, especially as they seemed so like the real animals.

In time the zoo became famous and made lots of money. And one day when I leave school I hope to be the manager. If the bear will let me.